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A man, a woman and God
Budapest, 27 September 2018. "Christian marriage, the family: timeless values" - this was the title of the conference organised by MMLSZ on 27 September in the Great Hall of the Eötvös Lóránd University.
„A man, a woman and God”: Bishop János Székely, in his introductory lecture, quoted this definition of marriage by Pastor Endre Gyökössy, expressing that God is present in every good marriage. Illustrating his words with Biblical quotes, he showed how happiness depends on learning to love: marriage is neither a transient feeling, nor simply an agreement to bring up children together, but a union of two persons into one. It does not limit, it fulfils. And the best way to raise happy children is for the couple to be happy, the best way to love them is to love one another. Finally, he gave some advice on how to fight against population decline: legislative reforms that favour marriage and childbearing, marriage preparation courses, support for mothers, affordable housing for young couples, family-friendly and value-centered media; measures to combat abortion, such as showing images of the fetus and pro-life counselling. Special attention should be paid to large families and those living in poverty.
Dr. Gabriella Vukovich, president of the National Statistical Institute, summarised the relevant demographic data. The birth rate has gone up to 1.5 in 2016 from a low of 1.23 in 2011, but this is not resulting in more babies being born, because the number of women in reproductive age is going down. Total population is still decreasing. Marriages are on the increase - 52,000 in 2016 from 36,000 in 2011. However, over half of babies are born out of wedlock, thus it is vital to support unmarried couples and parents, even if this is not an ideal situation. More support is needed also for single-parent families. She made a special note of the shrinking numbers of three-generation families - from 270,000 to 180,000 between 2001 and 2011 - resulting in the loss of many advantages for the family. Lastly, she pointed out a correlation between religiosity and the number of children: families that belong to a Christian faith community have on the average 20% more children than those who do belong to one.
Dr. Miklós Papp, Eastern Catholic pastor, centered his intervention on agape, the unconditional love of Christianity, contrasting it with Eros (self-centered love) and Philia (the love between friends and partners). Agape means to walk together, in mutual support, towards God. He noted sadly that young men are often afraid to take the leap - influenced in this also by their parents - and this results in years of barrennes for young women. He also decried the lack of masculine fatherly love, which strengthens children and prepares them for decision-making, and which is a necessary complement to a mother's soft, all-accepting love. He ended with a call for a vitalizing family spirituality.
Dr. Ágoston Seidl, member of the Order of Malta, spoke about the steps involved in marriage. The preparatory step, engagement, should be re-emphasised, as it allows the young couple to get used to each other and to discover if their values are truly in harmony. The next step are the years of burden-sharing, during which quality time must be found together. Finally, when the couple is alone again, the renewal of a close human relationship.
Dr. Kálmán Dabóczi, CEO of BKK, spoke of his own experience - he has seven children - as an example of how to balance family, career and vocation. He used photos and concrete examples to show: the large family can work! But it takes effort. If husband and wife love each other, that is the greatest gift they can give their children. Children must be involved in everything: tasks, experiences, successes, and failures too. The mysteries of the family are a way to introduce them to the mysteries of God.
Fr. Attila Thorday, parish priest and professor of theology, spoke about the various faith-based movements and communities that work for marriage renewal and support. They are usually begun by a charismatic individual and gradually become institutionalised. Examples are the Hungarian Schönstatt Family, Families in Jesus, Mécs Family Communities, Chemin Neuf, Marriage Weekend, Antiochia. The Church supports families extensively through these organisations.
The conference ended with a round-table discussion by young people. It was interesting to hear the earlier theological and theoretical points being applied to everyday life and practical thinking.
One of the key thoughts of the conference was heard from Dr. Thorday: Marriage is the most difficult of monastic lives. Because you must start anew every day...
The programme of the conference (in Hungarian) can be read by clicking here.
See also the extended press report (in Hungarian) in Magyar Kurir, and listen to the original recording of the entire conference: Part I and part II
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